so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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