I didn't shave. On purpose
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
