on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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