Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
