oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
