: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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