Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
