I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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