I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
