That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
