im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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