Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
