dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
