if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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