Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
