I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
