When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
