someone threw a dead crab at me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
