I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
