Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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