so explain again why im purple
no
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
