maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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