my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
