I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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