Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
