perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
