I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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