how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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