Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
