Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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