A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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