so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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