i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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