If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
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You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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