so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
