RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
