i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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