he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
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Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
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My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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