If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
