the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
