What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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