so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
