Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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