omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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