I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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