He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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