I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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