I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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