Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i out mim tonsoeep
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
