How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
