Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
