we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
