It was confusing and full of hummus
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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