dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
