No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
