It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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