And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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