her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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