In America we eat man semen.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
