You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
