i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you have to choose: penises or morals?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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