anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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